Help your child build resilience and confidence by pushing through moments of resistance. Discover how martial arts teaches perseverance, emotional stamina, and the courage to take action, even when it's hard. Learn the long-term benefits of sticking with an activity at Jung Do Martial Arts.
Recently, a parent reached out with a question many of us have faced: their child was giving them a hard time about going to class. What made this situation tricky was that once the child arrived at class, they had a great time and left feeling happy and accomplished. However, before the next class, the same resistance would occur, and the parent was wondering whether to push through or let their child take a break.
This situation highlights a common challenge for parents—understanding the balance between making sure their child enjoys what they’re doing and teaching them the value of perseverance. It’s easy to question whether the activity is still right when faced with these moments of reluctance. But this scenario offers a great opportunity to reflect on an important question: What do we want our children to learn from these experiences?
In a world full of distractions, where it’s easy to jump from one exciting thing to the next, it’s crucial to help children recognize that the most rewarding experiences often come when we push through the resistance and discomfort. Let’s explore why helping children stick with an activity, even when the initial excitement wears off, can lead to profound growth.
The Emotional Rollercoaster of New Activities
When children begin a new activity, they often experience a wave of enthusiasm. The novelty and excitement carry them through the early stages. However, as time goes on and the activity becomes more familiar, that initial thrill may fade, and the challenges of learning and improving can feel less fun.
It’s during these moments—what some call “the dip”—that children may feel tempted to give up. But pushing through this dip is where true growth happens. It’s where they begin to develop grit, resilience, and perseverance, and these are the very qualities that will serve them throughout life.
Understanding the Difference: Resistance vs. True Disinterest
As parents, it’s important to distinguish between moments when a child is genuinely not enjoying or benefiting from an activity and moments when they are simply resisting the effort it takes to show up.
The parent I mentioned earlier saw that once their child was in class, they were fully engaged and enjoyed themselves. The resistance was happening before the class—likely because getting to the starting line often feels like the hardest part. Many adults can relate to this with commitments like going to the gym: we may not feel like going, but we know we’ll feel better afterward. Helping children understand this connection between effort and reward is a crucial lesson in perseverance.
What the Research Says: The Benefits of Sticking with an Activity
Research shows that children who stick with activities, even when they become challenging, are more likely to develop a growth mindset—a belief that their abilities can improve through hard work. This mindset is linked to higher levels of academic success, emotional resilience, and long-term well-being.
On the other hand, constantly allowing children to switch activities when they encounter difficulties can create a pattern of seeking immediate gratification rather than working toward long-term growth. This can make it harder for them to see the value of commitment and perseverance later in life.
When children push through their initial reluctance and discomfort, they begin to see progress. They start to develop a deeper understanding of the activity, their skills improve, and they gain a sense of accomplishment. The joy that comes from this kind of growth is far more meaningful than the fleeting excitement of trying something new every few months.
What Do We Want Our Kids to Learn?
As parents, we have an incredible opportunity to guide our children in understanding the value of commitment and perseverance. By encouraging them to stick with something—even when it’s hard or the excitement has faded—we teach them that success isn’t about avoiding difficulty. It’s about facing challenges and discovering that they have the strength to push through.
We can also help them reflect on their experiences. Ask your child questions like, “How do you feel after class?” or “Do you notice how good it feels when you accomplish something difficult?” This helps them connect the dots between effort and reward.
Building a Foundation for the Future
The lessons children learn in activities like martial arts go beyond physical skills. They learn about discipline, focus, and the power of perseverance. These lessons form a foundation that will benefit them in every aspect of their lives.
So, the next time your child resists attending class, consider the bigger picture. By helping them push through that resistance, you’re not just teaching them how to be good at an activity—you’re teaching them to be resilient, strong, and ready for life’s challenges.
It can be incredibly helpful to guide our children to be mindful of how they feel during an activity and afterward. Often, children may resist going to class or practice, but once they engage in the activity, they feel a sense of accomplishment, joy, and satisfaction. Encouraging them to reflect on these feelings—before, during, and after—can help them see the true benefits of what they are doing.
This ties directly into the concept of courage—the push to take action even when you don’t feel like it. It’s in these moments that true confidence is built, because action is being taken in spite of feelings. This is called emotional stamina—Emotional stamina is the ability to push through discomfort and take action despite difficult feelings. It’s not just valuable in martial arts but in everyday life—helping children learn that uncomfortable feelings don’t have to hold them back.
Embracing Courage: Helping Our Children Push Through Sticky Feelings
As I reflected on that parent’s question, it reminded me of my own experience with my children and how we’ve faced similar moments of resistance together. In our household, we’ve been working hard on embracing the power of perseverance and courage. My son has come to fully understand and embody this concept, but his sister still feels that familiar resistance. As a parent, my go-to response is empathy. When my daughter feels resistance, my first priority is to make sure she feels acknowledged and validated in the moment. It’s important that she knows her feelings are real and that it’s okay to experience them. But after that, I transition to the “why” of her training—why it matters, and what it’s building in her, both on and off the mat.
As I often share in my leadership coaching, "if in doubt, zoom out." I take this approach with my daughter by helping her see the bigger picture. We talk about how our choices today shape our identity tomorrow. She doesn’t always like this conversation, but she gets it. Then, when she’s at class and having fun, I sneak in a simple, “How do you feel now?” She smiles and gives me that knowing look, because we both understand what’s happened.
I call this encouragement—which, at its core, means “to give courage.” It’s that little push she needs when she’s struggling.
This approach hasn’t just helped during everyday moments; it’s also been a lifeline during more difficult challenges, like competitions. For example, there have been times when she has lost and still had to fight for the bronze medal. In those moments, she feels tired, sad, and like quitting altogether. I follow the same process—acknowledging her feelings and then reminding her of her “why.” One of my proudest moments was during her second-to-last tournament last year. After being beaten 14-0 by a competitor earlier in the year, she faced the same opponent again. This time, after we talked through her resistance, she won by submission.
Afterward, I asked her, "What would have happened if you hadn’t competed?" Her response: "I wouldn’t be proud of myself." I took it a step further and asked, "Would you still be feeling your sticky feelings?" (We call them “sticky feelings” because they tend to hold us back, keeping us stuck.) She smiled knowingly, realizing that pushing through had helped her not only overcome the challenge but also grow stronger.
It’s the accumulation of these small moments that, over time, have helped her brother exercise his own courage when he doesn’t feel like it. These moments create an internal dialogue that our children carry with them into every future challenge. When those “sticky feelings” try to hold them back, they’ll have the tools to push forward—just like they’ve done before.
At Jung Do Martial Arts, we believe in fostering these qualities in our students. We want to help every child realize their full potential, both on and off the mats. If you have any questions or need support, don’t hesitate to reach out. Together, we can help your child build the skills and mindset they need for a bright future.
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